I Like Monkeys

I spent a long time mulling over whether to post this one or not, 'cause I have made a fairly unfortunate discovery - I don't photograph well. I have no idea why this is, but every picture of me in existence looks awful. Usually I look fat in them, and it'd be stupid to qualify this by saying "I'm not fat!" In fact I'm not, but really, come on...how often do you hear that on the Internet? (Hint: A lot.) But eventually I said what the hell, and so here is a picture of me in Las Vegas, with a large monkey. It was taken by (and placed on Photopoint by) me friend Jim, who kicks ass in many ways. Naturally, I for some reason look about fifty pounds heavier than I do when I'm not having my picture taken. Rest assured I don't look like this in real life, but that I am, in fact, licking this ape.

My name is Jeff, and I lick apes.

It feels good to admit that.