The Pabst Project

If there's anything I am happy to do, it is make the world a better place. And if there's anything else I like to do, it is help you to do the same. And if there is another thing I like to do, it is drink King Cobra while a hot girl with nice hips sucks on my toes, but I guess that's really not terribly relevant here. Anyway, back to the whole helping-the-world thing. I have taken up a project lately, and you can help. I will now explain.

A while ago, it was brought to my attention (I did not know this because I rarely read the news or keep up with what's current or leave the house much and basically what I'm saying here is I live under a rock) that there's this new thing that is big with the hipster crowd, and it is: Pabst Blue Ribbon. You know, the beer. Now, I wouldn't say that I consider myself a beer snob, or really any kind of a snob at all, but have you ever actually tried Pabst? It tastes like I assume piss would taste if you drank a gallon of piss and then pissed it out. I couldn't tell you why, but I was filled with a quiet sort of rage by this. Maybe it's the fact that I've had PBR before and maybe it's the fact that I have no love for hipsters in the first place, and the knowledge that people are so pretentious as to drink horrible beer solely because it's fashionable only really exacerbated  this. Anyway, since I'm not one to sit idly by and let the world annoy me, I thought up The Pabst Project, which I plan to put into action. I've also recruited homeless people I encounter into it, and now I am inviting you to participate.

Above this paragraph is a decent example of the sort of person we're against here. Tight thrift-store shirt - and sometimes there'll be a big old belt buckle and maybe a trucker hat. If you encounter someone like this, someone who reeks of hipster, simply walk up to them (it helps if you're tanked) and ask them:

"Excuse me. Sorry to bother you, but - do you drink Pabst Blue Ribbon?"

If they say no, thank them for their time and keep walking.

If they say yes, scream "I HATE YOU!" in their face, then run away.

Repeat until no one drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon anymore.

Thank you for your time.