Another Memo From Management

To: Staff, Fordham-Mason Co.
Cc: Accounting
Subject: State of the company

Dear Staff,

It's never easy to say things like this, especially given that I think we've all known it's coming for some time now, but as my father used to always tell me, "If we only did what would be nice, nothing would ever get done." Wise words, from a wise man. And now they ring truer than ever to me. So, I won't beat around the bush - the economic outlook at Fordham-Mason has gone from bad to very bad to worse in a very short time, and our most recent figures indicate that we simply cannot sustain further losses. I wish I had better news for you all, but unfortunately, as of the close of Friday's business day, Fordham-Mason will be forced to shut down its puppy-mashing operations permanently.

I know this comes as no massive surprise to most of you, but I do feel profound regret that we were not able to make our economic model work in a real business environment. It certainly wasn't for lack of effort, as I can tell you firsthand that we, as a business, strove for no less than complete innovation in the field of mashing up little cute puppies and getting their puppy brains all over the walls. Our engineers have always been matchless and at the very top of their field when it comes to puppy-mashing technologies.

Unfortunately, at times like this it is only natural to look to others to assign blame. But I personally feel that perhaps the public simply was not ready for a company such as ours; perhaps we have been a little too innovative, and demand has not yet caught up with our bountiful supply. Maybe one day we will gather once again in new offices, ready to provide solutions for consumers who desire only the finest when it comes to taking adorable wide-eyed puppies and just mashing the holy swinging fuck out of them over and over and over until they don't even really look like puppies anymore but piles of meat instead that maybe smell sort of like puppy, only bloody. And on that day, we will have triumphed both financially and philosophically.

But this is not that day. This is today, and today we take a long hard look at our mistakes and see how they may be applied to our future ventures. Fordham-Mason may have failed as a company, but its employees will all take from it important lessons, not soon forgotten. Our drive was there, our work ethic was there, and if our failure was for lack of anything, effort was not it. I wish you all best of luck in your future endeavors, and hope that one day the world will be ready for us, and for mashing up fat little puppies like overripe grapes and making their adorable little eyes come shooting out of their heads and puppy juice come going BLOOOOSSHHHH out of them until they turn into greasy red puppy paste and just mashing the fuckers up real good, mashing them until they're good and mashed.

All my best,
Nicholas D. Fordham
President
Fordham-Mason Company