I Have no Idea what the Hell I was Thinking
What with Halloween approaching and all, I thought I'd share something a little special with you, yet utterly nonsensical. It's The Telltale Heart by E. A. Poe, which is all spoooooky-like, but for no apparent reason I'm presenting it with all the sentences in random order! Yes! Several may even show up twice, and others not at all! Spend hours attempting to piece it back together! To make things even more retarded, I've included a few random html tags as well. This may well be the dumbest thing I have ever done. Ever. Special thanks must, of course, go to jxl at SSW.
I kept quite still and said nothing. I took up three planks from the flooring of the chamber, and deposited all between the scantlings. When I had made an end of these labours, it was four o'clock -- still dark as midnight. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased. It increased my fury as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. It was the low stifled sound that arises from the bottom of the soul when overcharged with awe.
nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad? As the bell sounded the hour, there came a knocking at the street door.
He was stone dead. I took my visitors all over the house. Why WOULD they not be gone? He shrieked once -- once only. I saw it with perfect distinctness -- all a dull blue with a hideous veil over it that chilled the very marrow in my bones, but I could see nothing else of the old man's face or person, for I had directed the ray as if by instinct precisely upon the damned spot. I thought the heart must burst. It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain, but, once conceived, it haunted me day and night. And now a new anxiety seized me -- the sound would be heard by a neighbour!
Whenever it fell upon me my blood ran cold, and so by degrees, very gradually, I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye for ever. His room was as black as pitch with the thick darkness (for the shutters were close fastened through fear of robbers), and so I knew that he could not see the opening of the door, and I kept pushing it on steadily, steadily.
It grew louder, I say, louder every moment! I knew that sound well too. And still the men chatted pleasantly , and smiled. what COULD I do? I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! -- no, no? I moved it slowly, very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep. I say I knew it well. -- tear up the planks!
I then smiled gaily, to find the deed so far done.
I loved the old man. I moved it slowly, very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep.
Presently, I heard a slight groan, and I knew it was the groan of mortal terror.
I took up three planks from the flooring of the chamber, and deposited all between the scantlings. Ha!
-- they KNEW! -- here, here! The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. I then smiled gaily, to find the deed so far done. what COULD I do? I knew the sound well.
-- and now -- again -- hark!
It was the low stifled sound that arises from the bottom of the soul when overcharged with awe.
Madmen know nothing. It grew quicker and quicker, and louder and louder, every instant.
I talked more quickly, more vehemently but the noise steadily increased. His room was as black as pitch with the thick darkness (for the shutters were close fastened through fear of robbers), and so I knew that he could not see the opening of the door, and I kept pushing it on steadily, steadily. And it was the mournful influence of the unperceived shadow that caused him to feel, although he neither saw nor heard, to feel the presence of my head within the room. I shrieked, "dissemble no more!
When I had made an end of these labours, it was four o'clock -- still dark as midnight. nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad? It was A LOW, DULL, QUICK SOUND -- MUCH SUCH A SOUND AS A WATCH MAKES WHEN ENVELOPED IN COTTON.
His room was as black as pitch with the thick darkness (for the shutters were close fastened through fear of robbers), and so I knew that he could not see the opening of the door, and I kept pushing it on steadily, steadily. now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton.
And every night about midnight I turned the latch of his door and opened it oh, so gently! I loved the old man. He had been trying to fancy them causeless, but could not. I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men, but the noise steadily increased. louder! Now this is the point. I removed the bed and examined the corpse.
I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men, but the noise steadily increased.
How then am I mad?
You fancy me mad.
-- here, here! There entered three men, who introduced themselves, with perfect suavity, as officers of the police. His eye would trouble me no more.
Object there was none. I foamed -- I raved -- I swore! And every night about midnight I turned the latch of his door and opened it oh, so gently! A shriek had been heard by a neighbour during the night; suspicion of foul play had been aroused; information had been lodged at the police office, and they (the officers) had been deputed to search the premises. Many a night, just at midnight, when all the world slept, it has welled up from my own bosom, deepening, with its dreadful echo, the terrors that distracted me. -- here, here! The night waned, and I worked hastily, but in silence. It grew louder, I say, louder every moment! I heard many things in hell. I then replaced the boards so cleverly so cunningly, that no human eye -- not even his -- could have detected anything wrong.
A shriek had been heard by a neighbour during the night; suspicion of foul play had been aroused; information had been lodged at the police office, and they (the officers) had been deputed to search the premises. But even yet I refrained and kept still. I then smiled gaily, to find the deed so far done. Presently, I heard a slight groan, and I knew it was the groan of mortal terror.
what COULD I do? No doubt I now grew VERY pale; but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. O God! Object there was none. Meantime the hellish tattoo of the heart increased.
-- it is the beating of his hideous heart! Why WOULD they not be gone?
I showed them his treasures, secure, undisturbed. I showed them his treasures, secure, undisturbed. I showed them his treasures, secure, undisturbed. And this I did for seven long nights, every night just at midnight, but I found the eye always closed, and so it was impossible to do the work, for it was not the old man who vexed me but his Evil Eye. -- it is the beating of his hideous heart! Meantime the hellish tattoo of the heart increased. As the bell sounded the hour, there came a knocking at the street door. -- tear up the planks!
I moved it slowly, very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep.
One of his eyes resembled that of a vulture -- a pale blue eye with a film over it. I removed the bed and examined the corpse.
I had been too wary for that. Was it possible they heard not?
To think that there I was opening the door little by little, and he not even to dream of my secret deeds or thoughts.
In the enthusiasm of my confidence, I brought chairs into the room, and desired them here to rest from their fatigues, while I myself, in the wild audacity of my perfect triumph, placed my own seat upon the very spot beneath which reposed the corpse of the victim.
Yes, it was this! But for many minutes the heart beat on with a muffled sound. Never before that night had I felt the extent of my own powers, of my sagacity. I shrieked, "dissemble no more!
As the bell sounded the hour, there came a knocking at the street door. I knew that he had been lying awake ever since the first slight noise when he had turned in the bed. It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain, but, once conceived, it haunted me day and night. But the beating grew louder, louder! I held the lantern motionless.
-- this I thought, and this I think.
I knew that sound well too. Madmen know nothing.
I knew the sound well. At length it ceased. I placed my hand upon the heart and held it there many minutes. It was the low stifled sound that arises from the bottom of the soul when overcharged with awe. Passion there was none.
A watch's minute hand moves more quickly than did mine. There entered three men, who introduced themselves, with perfect suavity, as officers of the police. now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well too. Upon the eighth night I was more than usually cautious in opening the door. Whenever it fell upon me my blood ran cold, and so by degrees, very gradually, I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye for ever.
One of his eyes resembled that of a vulture -- a pale blue eye with a film over it. Upon the eighth night I was more than usually cautious in opening the door. The old man was dead. Almighty God!
The night waned, and I worked hastily, but in silence. No doubt I now grew VERY pale; but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice.
I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. Presently, I heard a slight groan, and I knew it was the groan of mortal terror. I had my head in, and was about to open the lantern, when my thumb slipped upon the tin fastening , and the old man sprang up in the bed, crying out, "Who's there? And then, when I had made an opening sufficient for my head, I put in a dark lantern all closed, closed so that no light shone out, and then I thrust in my head.
In the enthusiasm of my confidence, I brought chairs into the room, and desired them here to rest from their fatigues, while I myself, in the wild audacity of my perfect triumph, placed my own seat upon the very spot beneath which reposed the corpse of the victim. -- they KNEW! But, ere long, I felt myself getting pale and wished them gone. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded -- with what caution -- with what foresight, with what dissimulation, I went to work! -- no, no?
I say I knew it well. I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. Upon the eighth night I was more than usually cautious in opening the door. He had been saying to himself, "It is nothing but the wind in the chimney, it is only a mouse crossing the floor," or, "It is merely a cricket which has made a single chirp. And now a new anxiety seized me -- the sound would be heard by a neighbour!
I knew that he had been lying awake ever since the first slight noise when he had turned in the bed.
His eye would trouble me no more. I gasped for breath, and yet the officers heard it not. -- they KNEW! -- it is the beating of his hideous heart! I admit the deed! He was still sitting up in the bed, listening; just as I have done night after night hearkening to the death watches in the wall. I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. louder! So you see he would have been a very profound old man, indeed , to suspect that every night, just at twelve, I looked in upon him while he slept. They heard! In an instant I dragged him to the floor, and pulled the heavy bed over him. And every night about midnight I turned the latch of his door and opened it oh, so gently! It took me an hour to place my whole head within the opening so far that I could see him as he lay upon his bed.
So I opened it -- you cannot imagine how stealthily, stealthily -- until at length a single dim ray like the thread of the spider shot out from the crevice and fell upon the vulture eye. I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. And then, when I had made an opening sufficient for my head, I put in a dark lantern all closed, closed so that no light shone out, and then I thrust in my head. I then replaced the boards so cleverly so cunningly, that no human eye -- not even his -- could have detected anything wrong. I could scarcely contain my feelings of triumph. louder! Hearken!
Was it possible they heard not? A watch's minute hand moves more quickly than did mine. He was still sitting up in the bed, listening; just as I have done night after night hearkening to the death watches in the wall.
But even yet cheerily, they chatted of familiar things.
I knew that sound well too. I bade them search -- search well. I talked more quickly, more vehemently but the noise steadily increased. I moved it slowly, very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep. It was not a groan of pain or of grief -- oh, no!
I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. Meantime the hellish tattoo of the heart increased.
It grew louder -- louder -- louder! I bade the gentlemen welcome. Yes, he was stone, stone dead. -- they were making a mockery of my horror! The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. But even yet I refrained and kept still.
I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased.
It grew louder -- louder -- louder!
I was singularly at ease.
I knew what the old man felt, and pitied him although I chuckled at heart. Many a night, just at midnight, when all the world slept, it has welled up from my own bosom, deepening, with its dreadful echo, the terrors that distracted me.
Anything was more tolerable than this derision! Oh, you would have laughed to see how cunningly I thrust it in! He had been saying to himself, "It is nothing but the wind in the chimney, it is only a mouse crossing the floor," or, "It is merely a cricket which has made a single chirp. Was it possible they heard not?
"Villains!
If still you think me mad, you will think so no longer when I describe the wise precautions I took for the concealment of the body. and observe how healthily, how calmly, I can tell you the whole story. The old man's terror must have been extreme! But anything was better than this agony! I fairly chuckled at the idea, and perhaps he heard me, for he moved on the bed suddenly as if startled. There was nothing to wash out -- no stain of any kind -- no blood-spot whatever. He shrieked once -- once only.
It grew louder -- louder -- louder! And now have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the senses? I took my visitors all over the house.
now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton.
It was the low stifled sound that arises from the bottom of the soul when overcharged with awe.
In the enthusiasm of my confidence, I brought chairs into the room, and desired them here to rest from their fatigues, while I myself, in the wild audacity of my perfect triumph, placed my own seat upon the very spot beneath which reposed the corpse of the victim. Yes, he was stone, stone dead.
His eye would trouble me no more. swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. I bade them search -- search well. I fairly chuckled at the idea, and perhaps he heard me, for he moved on the bed suddenly as if startled. -- they KNEW! I knew that he had been lying awake ever since the first slight noise when he had turned in the bed.
I held the lantern motionless. "Villains! I took up three planks from the flooring of the chamber, and deposited all between the scantlings. --
I then smiled gaily, to find the deed so far done. For a whole hour I did not move a muscle, and in the meantime I did not hear him lie down. Yes, he was stone, stone dead.
-- they suspected! now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton.