A Love Letter, Ghostwritten

As some of you more astute readers may know, my personal life has not been the best of late. This is in part my fault, I suppose, and I won't burden you with details because, really, why bother. The cause in this case isn't really as important, to the few that may be reading, as the symptoms. Anyway. It's not that I'm on the outs with my girlfriend or anything, but we're going through some turbulent times at the moment. It happens. So now I would like to present a love letter to my girlie. The only downside is that, as said, I was never much for words. So I have handed the literary reigns over to a "ghostwriter" if you'll pardon the pun. You know him as the former host of HBO's top-rated cable series, Tales from the Crypt. So now, with a love letter with feeling, is none other than The Cryptkeeper.

Greetings, kiddies! And how are you all doing, BOILS and GHOULS? Eeeheeheehee! As you may or may not know, I have been asked to GHOSTwrite a lovely piece of prose about JSP's SCARling girlfriend! Oh, where do I start? Shall I tell you about the BOOtiful way she smiles with her whole face? Eyes and all? It's just enchanting, you know! As you may or may not know, their first kiss happened on a rainy night, after they saw John Hughes' opus, GRITTY in Pink, starring Molly RINGWORM and Andrew McHEARTthy! In a display of SHIVER-ly, JSP carried his girlie over a puddle like a knight in shining HARMor! It was so very cute that my heart broke, or would have...if I didn't have it in a jar! Eeeheeheehee!

Soon after they became inseparable, and were always SPLEEN together! JSP often said that she was like home to him, you know, and that he was the luckiest person on the planet, to have her. Now that's a pretty cheesy sentiment, you know, but it does come from the heart...much like blood! Eeeeheheeheeheehee! Personally, I was hoping they'd have kissed after seeing a nice HACKtion movie with DEAD Norton, or Tommy Lee BONES! Eeeeheeheehee! So, kiddies, just remember that JSP loves his GHOULfriend (or is that girlFIEND? Eeheheheheheh!) very, very much! Now, take care, and pleasant...NIGHTMARES! Eeeeeheeheeheehee!

Thanks, Keeper.