Personal Ads: I am Starting to Worry

I have taken out another personal ad, this time at the same site as before, only with a bit of a twist. Read the whole essay questionnaire. I used the picture seen below, and sat back and watched. Well, holy fucking shit is all I can say. Within minutes, my inbox was flooded with responses, all from suitors who apparently had better things to do than actually read what I wrote. My ad follows, then the responses I have received as of now, which are many.

Describe the type of person you might be interested in meeting (either romantically or platonically). What traits do you find attractive?
I like all kinds of men, but specifically I like the sort that can make me laugh, that can be entertaining.

What personal habits of others really irritate you?
Smoking, ewww!

Describe your personality and physique. (Here is a good place to make up for not having a photo on-line or telling things photos can't tell).
I am a petite Asian girl, although without being too indecent I will tell you that I am a little on the generously-proportioned side in the chest department, if you catch my drift. Also, I dye my hair a lot, which is why my questonnaire says black hair but I have brown in the picture.

Favorite pastime? Sport? Hobby? Diversion? Just what goes on Sundays at your place?
I used to play volleyball. Now I like to play, too, but not quite sports...hee hee...I sometimes like to play tie-up games, but that's not really here nor there.

What language(s) do you speak, read or write?
English, and I am trying to learn Japanese to better communicate with my dad.

If you were to meet someone for the first time, what would be the "perfect" setting?
Sompeplace quiet and secluded with lotsa candles and things. I'm not really all that subtle.

What is "SEXY"? What do you find "SEXY" in a partner?
I think it's ever so sexy when a man sends me free large bags of unmarked bills. No, seriously, I like nice hands and eyes. A nice body surely doesn't hurt, but I'm not picky. I also like when a man take charge...if you know what I mean...

List some of your favorite lines from movies, poems, songs or commercials.
"I would live in your eyes, and die in your lap..." I probably am screwing that up. It means something naughty.

Where were you born? What is your ethnic origin or ancestry? List some of the places you have lived or traveled.
I am Japanese originally, and have lived in the States since I was two.

Someone may want to say "hello", but not know how to get the ball rolling. Ask a question that someone can answer in their first letter to you.
What could you do to get me hot?

Any additional comments? Is there anything that the questionnaire didn't cover?

Yes. I am wonderfully naughty, and very playful and flirtatious. Some people call me Kitty, but Angel is my name. Sure, my halo has a touch of tarnish on it...heehee...Oh, and I also have herpes, and I am a hemophiliac, which can be a bit of a problem on dates but if you don't mind a little blood on the pillow I am quite the pretty kitty...also if you are a doctor and you know how I can stop vomiting blood hourly, hit me up. Most guys see this as a turnoff, but I think it's kinda cute when I do it...seeya soon guys...

That's the ad. Anyone with any sense at all would probably be somewhat deterred by the HORRIFYING DISEASES described. Nope...I have, as of now, gotten these responses, and it's only been forty-five minutes since the ad went up.

From: Phillip808
Wow... Herpes AND big breasts ! You're my dream girl......... ;-)

From: Harrison919
Hello my sweetness: I very much enjoyed reading about you; see if you feel the same way about me, if so.....write back. And you do sound absolutely delicious..... Have a very sweet day.
H

From: Skigirl130
hi are you bi curious at all

From: MDPMDPMDP811
You are certainly beautiful. I'm Michael and i haven't done much here with the questions, but I have a picture and a lot of information about me at www.fortunecity.com/silverstone/boot/197

From: Adroit988
Hi- My name is Kevin. I am 34 and work as a software design consultant. I am not a techno-geek, though, don't worry. No pocket protector. I have been divorced for a couple of years. I am definitely a take charge kind of guy. Maybe too old for you, but hey, I'll give it a shot. I love petite asian women! I am tall and in shape, 6'2", 195, and handsome, with short black hair and deep blue eyes. I can email you a better pic if you'd like. I am smart, funny, considerate, sweet but not a wuss, confident but not cocky. I love music, movies, the beach, travel, working out, driving fast and dancing slow. I would love to hear back from you soon. Bye, Kevin

From: Harley335
You're funny! :-) God you make me wish I didn't smoke!! Warmest regards, Steve

From: Johnny253
Interesting profile.. what tie-up games do you like??? :) John

From: Chris074
Gorgeous and a sense of humor...outstanding! Very striking eyes
Note from JSP: What is this, a fucking pageant?

From: DiscreetM691
Hi! I don't know if you are just looking for something serious, bur I saw your profile and thought we might be a match. I'm a single Boston Male, 35, 5'9", 175lbs, average build and some would say that I am good looking. I'm intelligent, well-educated (Masters - MIT)with a good sense of humor. I'm looking for a discreet, no strings attached encounter. I believe in satisfaction through mutual gratification and I believe the passion that we could share would fulfill both of our needs. I have a photo available in exchange for yours. I'm clean, disease and drug free and expect that you would be too. If you are interested in an encounter, please send me an e-mail. Until then, Mike

From: Jeffrey710
Hi - I'v been having this urge to be with a younger girl (legally) - that is sexually with someone around your age. Your face is so sexy, it just really turns me on. Would you be interested? Jeff

From: Phillip808 Note from JSP: Yes, the same one.
I hope you didn't mind the herpes and big boobs comment! It WAS only a joke... But now that your pic's up - I have to tell you : you're absolutely GORGEOUS ! - Phillip

From: J.Maguire346
Hi, My name is Mac. I read your profile and thought it was quite good! Take a peek at my profile and let me know what you think! Looki forward to your response, Mac

From: Jeffrey710 Note from JSP: I did some homework. This man is at least 31. My profile says I'm 19. And yes, it's the same one from before.
Do you have any other pictures - if so - please send them to : x78290@yahoo.com

From: FrenchCH587
Hi BlueAngel, You can check my profile and my pic and let me know if you woul like to connect. Thanks, Christian

From: Carlos117
You sure have a great sense of humor. :) That stuff you said at the end was really funny. Now, I hope I'm not sounding like an idiot if it's really true. I mean, I don't know you. Right? So, you look really sexy in your pic. I love petite Asian women. You and I would have so much fun. I love a woman that I can easily hold in my arms to do as I please when we are being naughty, if you catch my drift. :) So, where do you live? It says both Plymouth and Cambridge in your profile. I live in Allston. So, is your dad still in Japan or does he not speak English too well although he lives here in the US? I ask because you said you want to get better in speaking Japanese to communicate with him. So, why don't you play volleyball anymore? That's a fun sport. I play soccer competitively. Basketball tennis and run for fun and to stay in shape. Do you like dimples? I have them on both cheeks. Hey, I am very sensual and naughty when the right time comes. What about you? I love the fact that you have nicely shaped breasts. They look amazing on a small woman like yourself. Especially when they are moving up and down or sideways while having fun in bed (or anywhere else for that matter). :) Write back and let me know what you think. I'd love to get to know you sexy girl. Talk soon Angel. XOXOXO, Carlos

From: Charlie741
I'd love to give you large amounts of cash in a bag, are you up? Chuck

From: Carlos117 JSP again: I am really frightened, by the way, of Carlos.
Hey again, I wanted to say that I am a nice guy but also have a wild side. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm very playful and love to have a lot of fun doing just about anything (not just sex). I use AOL and Yahoo Messenger. Wanna chat there? It would be much easier and we could have a nice conversation to get to know more about each other. I have a question. What kind of clothes do you usually wear? I think tight tops look so good on a sexy petite woman like you. OK, talk to you soon. Don't be a stranger. If you don't want to talk to me because you don't know what I look like I can send you a pic. What do you say? Kisses, Carlos

From: Bruce674
Angel, What would I do to get you hot?.....I would lick the little man on the boat until he sunk. If you know what I mean. Then I would show you why some woman call me "The Log" Hee Hee. Bruce
JSP once more: I have no fucking clue what in the name of holy hell this man is talking about. Little man on the boat? What the fuck?

From: Carlos117 JSP: I'm going to not say anything until we hit the end of his email.
Fine, be a snob. Very cute and pretty but a snob. If you aren't interested it doesn't hurt to write back and say it. Have fun and take care. I'll just have to try to have my Asian friends hook me up with a cute petite and nice Asian girl. I don't know why but it seems that Asian girls can be very loving but in reality they are so snobbish. That's too bad. Good thing not all of them are like that. I have been with a couple and we were great together. I have dated all types of women and my preference is Asian. That's why I wrote to you. Even if you just wanted to be friends I would be cool with it but you seem to think you're too good. In any case, no hard feelings from me. I wish you the best. Take care. XOXOXO, Carlos
JSP: My first email from Carlos arrived at 2:19 pm, and this one arrived at 2:39. Twenty minutes. I'm seeing some serious issues here, Carlos.

From: Charlie741
I thought we hit it off? I thought you where getting hot Chuck
JSP: I never wrote back to him, or anyone, in the first place. I am rapidly becoming afraid to leave my house.

From: Massbay441
Hi, you made me hot just thinking about making you hot. I'd start with a nice dinner, then maybe pick up some champagne and find a nice hotel room with a jacuzzi. I'd first massage every inch of your body, and then jump in the jacuzzi for 15 minutes. I'd dry every inch of your body with a nice warm towel, then tickle you lightly in all the right places. Then I would use my mouth to excite all of your most delicate features. At that point, I would proceed to give you the best sex you ever had. Gentle and soft, then harder until you were moaning and begging for more. I would last until you asked me to stop. And then you could shower and take a nice rest and do it all over again later. Let me know when and where.
JSP again: I realize I was being somewhat licentious in my profile, but Mr. Massbay here is in his EARLY FORTIES. That's all I'm going to say about that.

From: FrenchCH587 JSP: AGAIN
Hello Angel, Just wanted to let you know that my account expires this evening and I will not renew it. So if you would like to connect, let me know as soon as possible. Otherwise after this, you can send me emails to chjoly@earthlink.net Take Care, Christian

From: Irishmist499
Hey, That was quite the interesting and eye opening profile. What's happening down in Plymouth Today? Let's chat, J

From: Cuteguy128
Hey...Thought you sounded cute...Do you like older guys at all? Just asking:) Take care! Mark

From: Realmale635
great profile :)

From: NewFromTX107
hey i'm a 20 yr old clean cut male that just moved to Worcester Mass from houston Texas. I'm looking to meet new people from around here, check out my profile on here and write me back if you're interested. i look forward to hearing from you soon....oh yeah, i'm especially attracted to asian girls, one of my ex's was vietnamese, one was half korean, and the other japanese. -Justin

From: Charlie741
Why can't we play? can I call you and cum by today to be your lustful slave
I am great with my hands
Chuck
JSP again: I really don't know what to say here.

From: Erikerik130
WOW. youre adorable - totally!! stopped me dead in my tracks. Please tell me more about yourself -- I read through your profile and of course saw your picture. I liked what I saw and read, and I'm new on this thing,not really sure how its supposed to go. I hope you check out my profile and if you'd like to - mail me back. Erik erikerik130

From: CJ108
I'm Chris from Kingston, NH - 33, 5'10" muscular 200 lbs, well hung, attractive, insatiable looking for a sexy younger woman for a lover/friend. I am extremely open minded, very oral and would love an occasional playmate to get together with for some mutual sexual gratification... intrested? Drop me an email with a pic if possible at hungswm@rocketmail.com Hope to hear from you, Chris
JSP once more. Uhhh...eek.

From: Erikerik130
the last bit on the blood thing is rather tasteless. please tell me thats a joke and even if it is..weird really... i somehow missed that the 1st time i read through the profile. erik

From: Anthony291
Finally someone with some personality around this place. I have been on this service for a couple of weeks. Most people are not too outgoing even though they say they are. I like your humor. I can be funny too. Are you in school, work, what? I go to school and work full-time.

From: CJ108 JSP: again.
you really are stunning... I'd love to spoil you.

From: FrenchCH587
OK, What if I invite you for a drink or for dinner in a nice french restaurant, would you be open to it ? Let me know, Arigato Gozaima-sta, Christian
JSP again: You know, I didn't much care for the French BEFORE...

From: Harley335
Has anyone told you today who absolutely beautiful you are?

From: Eric265
hi how are you today? How about meeting up for some tie up games right now?

From: Niceguy566
Well Blueangel, I may be a little too old from you but I just had to say that you are the sexiest woman I have ever seen, you are perfect. Sorry to be so forward, have a great day! Mark :)

From: Norm966
Blueangel: You don't look or sound "blue" to me! I have a great fondness for very young attractive girls and you seem to match both perfectly. I am very gentle and caring and treat all of my dates with the utmost of respect and dignity, which every girl rightfully deserves! I am a very passionate and sensual person, but we can get into that later - if you are adventurous.
JSP once again: I don't know why, but Norm here is even creepier than the "little man on the boat" guy. I am shuddering as I type this.


Anyway, that's all the mail I got today on the subject, although I think I'll be getting more than a little tomorrow too. I'll keep you posted...